Friday, November 15, 2013

THE INTERNATIONAL HOME SHOW…..AKA ROB'S BIG TRIP THROUGH THE COLON...

Yup. You read it right.
My last show was a real bell-ringer. I wanted to share with you my experience…..I also wanted to keep this post as POSITIVE and upbeat as possible. If you know this blog….you know I try to find the humour and good in things……so that is my endeavour for this!
Let's take the journey together…..through photos…here we go:

I got there at 11am to set up the day before the show opening. Below is a picture of what my booth looked like after waiting for almost 5 hours….Yes. This was 'sanctioned' as complete by the talented carpenters at the I.H.S. (International Home Show). I kid you not……this is my booth almost FINISHED:
Notice the INCREDIBLE attention to details.
The almost 'Dali-like' crooked walls!…..not to mention the fine paint coverage!
IMPRESSIVE! 
The Lindsay Lohan of booths.
Walls so wobbly and unstable…you're not sure how long they will stand!
THANKFULLY they put the "braces" to keep it from colapsing on itself! 
It was one crooked staircase away from being an MC Escher painting!
Am I right???
I love the paint job a lot.
It gives it that whole 'hillbilly chic' look
that one is looking for when trying to sell fine art!
Ok….so you get it? The walls were rickety (and possible unsafe) and the walls were poorly painted.
I DO NOT want to harp on it. Faaar be it from me to harp…...
So let's talk about the lighting that was 'provided' in the cost of the booth:
Yes. These lights are on.
Notice how they bring the artwork to LIFE!
DAZZLING!!!!
Thankfully they kept the fluorescent lights on.
Art - just like people - looks FABULOUS in fluorescent light!
SEXY!  
Here is the final element added to make the show more classy:
Purple carpet!
Purple - the colour of Royalty!!! 
The next day I bought clip on lights…..it helped- a bit…but still not the best...
The person that 'sold' the show to me explained that it was a HIGH END event, that would feature a whole aisle of galleries and artists. A 'destination spot' for designers and people who know art'. 
Here is that aisle:
art- prints - windows -sewing machines -and a live auction!!!
Not exactly a lot of art. With a couple exceptions.  
The talented Mark Gleberzon (artist and owner of MJG Gallery) was the first booth, and Carlo Allion's wonderfully whimsical paintings were in the booth across from me.

As you can see - the place was just BRIMMING  with people on Thursday!
A real destination!
Like Siberia.
Here it is BRIMMING on Friday!!!!
Here is a photo of the live auction booth beside me…..or as I like to call it 'scamming for cancer'.
You could buy a signed print by Morrisseau! (or someone in his family!???)
Bids started at $30!!!
LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE!!!!
Surely this "fundraiser" funds will CURE cancer!!!
….because as they kept telling the suckers people a percentage of the proceeds go to cancer!
Allegedly.
 (just sayin')
Here is some more of the art that you could buy in my prestigious fine art aisle:
Canadians love their wildlife!!

Framed prints!
It is like original art…..kinda…..
I think I found 'Waldo' in that print on the bottom.
Not sure though.
A GIANT sunset, the beach or some birch trees…..all framed and matted for $200!!!
WHAT A DEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moose-tastic!
Tiger-riffiic!

The prices so looney you can't help but buy!!!!
Ok……that sounds like I am a huge art snob.
NOT (completely) THE CASE.
I am happy that people buy anything to put on their walls.
I wish it was MY work….but still….
I heard a LOT of criticism about my work during this weekend….so I KNOW my work is NOT for everyone either! I get it!!!! Art is subjective!!
Now let's check out all the other reasons that make this show 'Canada's largest Show'….
First…..the colourful characters……

It's the amazing Furnace Man!!!!!
He's HOT!
(get it? 'cause he has the body of a furnace.…..get it???)
OH MAH GAWD!!!!!! It's Janet!!!!!!!!!!!
(remember her from the Fall Home Show Blogpost?)
No. We didn't speak.
That b**ch didn't bother to call or nuthin….. 
Yup. You just KNOW that it's a top notch event when Mirror Elvis shows up!
Then there is this…..
…chocolate-head-man-box-thing.
If that were not enough to impress you…….here are some booths that REALLY impressed me: 
I call this one Prince's storage room……it is this attention to detail that sets THIS show apart!
PRETTY CARS!!!

"Sally…I know we've bought a Sham-wow and a Slap-chop…but do we have enough for this classic car?"

I came very close to shaking my fat away……until I SAW THE PRICE!
I can buy 4 sunset photos for that price!!
Stunning.
This rock, water and flower installation REALLY screams "I'M F**KING CLASSY  Y'ALL"
This "rock" and potted plant vignette IS EVEN ON WHEELS!
KAH-LASSS!
"Look….Sally, I know we bought our Sham-wow, a Slap-chop, and a '57 Chevy….
.…but do we still have money to rent this Bobcat?" 
Ok….now THIS display was the 'spare no expense' vignette.
It really makes me feel like I am in Epcot!
Wait……..is that what they are going for??
Yes. These are cockroaches.
Need I say more?
…and these are moths and spiders……
 THANKS ORKIN MAN! I will sleep like a log tonight!!
No recurring nightmares of giant bugs for Rob….No sir!
These 'Easy super twist mops' were a HUGE HIT at the show.
But the product that keeps me from losing my glasses???
GENIUS!
(yes….you may get one in your stocking this year friends!)
See……three mops for that guy….another 2 for that other guy…..
it's mop-polooza!
LOOK! Our friend with the subtle LED outdoor -
gay-pride-palm-tree was there too!!!
And speaking of smoking meat….
FINALLY…….the best for last…..there was this:

Yes…..finally my chance to feel the sensation of travelling through a giant colon.
Please.
NO FOOD IN THE COLON.
-irony-
Let it be known……the colon is dark…..a little loud….and smelled of plastic…
Now you know! You're welcome!
This is a haemorrhoid!
Insert joke here…...if you can.
So……that was it,  my experience at "Canada's Largest Fall Home Show"!
It's true……the whole show seemed (for me) like I was travelling through a giant colon……
But I feel like I came out the end…………..and learned a lot!
Would I recommend it? Probably not.
But not unlike colon cancer, it is preventable if we can just get comfortable talking about it!
Good times!
Hope you enjoyed this…..and have a great weekend!!!

2 comments: