Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Recently I had an interaction with someone about my art. I left the conversation feeling like crap. Thankfully, when I am down, I have Musical Theatre to make my day better. I would like to share with you excerpts from the song “Die Vampire, Die”, from the Broadway show “Title of Show”. I think this songs lyrics can be inspirational to all sorts of creative types!

There are some people in the world who say that writing stories, or composing music or dancing sparkly dances is easy for them. Nothing interferes with their ability to create. While I celebrate their creative freedom, a little part of me just wants to punch those motherfuckers in the teeth. This song, is for you guys and for all the rest of us.

You have a story to tell, a novel you keep in a drawer.
You have a painting to paint, but you lazy like an old French whore.
You have a movie to make, Shrinky Dinks you can bake,
but you best grab a stake, ‘cause…
In sweep the vampires, in creep the vampires, knee deep in vampires,
Filling you with doubt. Insecurity, ‘bout what you art should be,
in sweep the vampires, die vampire, die!

You sketched that turtle you saw in an ad on late-night cable TV.
But your fourth grade teacher said ‘you can’t draw’.
Aww, those vampires just won’t let you be.
Fuck you Ms. Johnson, Word!

And when they come run like hell, see those bats in your belfry, then call on Van Helsing.
In swoosh the vampires, in a whoosh, in the vampires, ooh, all the vampires. 
Filling you with thoughts of self-consciousness, feelings of worthlessness. They’ll make you second-guess. Die vampire!

A vampire is any person or thought or feeling that stands between you and your creative self-expression, but they can assume many seductive forms. Here are a few of them!

First up are you Pigmy Vampires. They’ll swarm around you head like gnats and say things like:
Your teeth need whitening. You went to state school? You sound weird!
Just tell them, Die vampire, die!

Brothers and sisters, next up is the Air Freshener Vampire, she might look like yo’ mama, or your old fat-ass, fat Aunt Fanny. She smells something unpleasant in what you’re creating. She’ll urge you to spray it with some pine fresh smell ’em ups. The air freshener vampire doesn’t want you to write about bad language, blood, or blow jobs! She wants you to clean it up and clean it out. Which will leave your work toothless, gutless, and crotchless but, you’ll be left with two tight paragraphs about kittens that your grandma would be so proud of! You look at that Air Freshener Vampire in her fat ass, fat old fuckin’ face and you say Morte Vampir Morte.

The last vampire is the mother of all vampires and that is the vampire of despair. It’ll wake you up at 4am to say things like: Who do you think you’re kidding? You look like a fool. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be good enough!

Why is it that if some dude walked up to me on the subway platform and said these things, I’d think he was a mentally ill asshole, but if the vampire inside my head says it, It’s the voice of reason.

You have a story to tell, pull your novel out of that sock drawer!
You have a painting to paint, you best paint it and then paint some more!
Oh baby, you must escape and grab it by the nape of its neck, by the trachea, fuckin’ break it, go on drive a stake in, yeah there’s no mistaking, now you’re shake and bakin’.
Die, vampire. I said, “Die, vampire”. I said, “Now die vam-pi-re, die!”

In fly the vampires, oh my the vampires, then die the vampires,
filling you with life, creativity, all that you heart should be, out go the vampires. Die vampire, die vampire, die vampire, die!

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